I came face to face with the Devil of Retail stores today. He showed up and was willing to make a deal… No, the devil did not challenge me to a fiddle contest (Queue: Charlie Daniels Band.) However, what he tempted me with was much more sinister and ultimately, I had no chance of resistance. You see, this all started when I noticed that I had some Kohl’s cash sitting around that was going to expire today.
“I can’t just let this expire! Time to go buy something!”
And so I entered the Devil’s domain… Also known as Kohls.com. He saw me coming… I searched for a few things and looked at some of their sale items until i discovered a cool plaid sport coat that would go well with my steampunk halloween costume… and this is when the Devil appeared.
“Look here Mr. Dave. This sport coat costs $80, but if you spend $100, you can get %20 off with this fantastic promo code. Why not get $100 worth of stuff for the same cost?”
The Devil’s reasoning was sound… and so I searched and browsed and searched some more until I came across a nice pair of jeans on sale and added them to my cart and this is when the Devil smirked…
“Well now Mr. Dave, once we use the Kohl’s cash that you want to use, it brings the total down under $100 and you lose the 20 percent off. You are so close, why not get something small to go with it?”
The Devil had lured me into his trap. All he had yet to do is finish me off, but he didn’t. He wasn’t satisfied yet. He was playing with me… I stumbled across a pair of cool Star Wars socks. but wait! they are buy one, get one half off. The devil had me in his grasp and was laughing as I added the second pair of Star Wars socks to my cart.
“Mr Dave, I’m not finished with you yet.You are going to spend more because if you spend $10 more, you will get another $10 in Kohl’s cash to use at a later date. You cannot resist this. You are my puppet and I OWN you now.”
like a mindless Zombie, I searched and discovered a cool Star Wars tee. And into my cart it went without any resistance.
“Mr. Dave, Now that your soul is mine, The Star Wars shirts are Buy two for $20… you will buy another.”
I was a gone. I was but an empty shell of a man that is absent a soul. The devil had his fun and got what he wanted. The true insidiousness of the Devil is in that he made me feel good about it.
“Mr. Dave, You came here to spend $80 on something, and walked away spending $105, but you just saved $202 due to sales and discounts. It’s a pleasure doing business with you and I look forward to seeing you again because You’ve earned $20 more in Kohl’s cash on this purchase, plus another $5 due to my rewards program. I’m even throwing in a 15% off coupon for signing up for my emails.”
Maybe I just should have learned how to play the fiddle…